Behind the Highs and Staying Sober During the Holidays
By Michelle Harris, Clinical Supervisor of SUD Services, LMSW, CAADC
This time of year is often the most stressful time of the year while also having the expectation that it is the happiest time of the year. The reality is that for some, it just isn’t the happiest time. The holiday season tends to have a lot of expectations, demands and emotions. These things can be significant triggers for those in recovery and extra care needs to be given so we can survive them unscathed. Alcohol tends to be more freely given and obtained and this can be a slippery slope for some.
Here are some tips for managing recovery and sobriety throughout the season. Even though I often mention alcohol for this list, these tips can be helpful for any substance!
Plan ahead- make a plan with somebody you can trust to be a support person. This may be attending gathers together or remaining in contact throughout them. Plan for what you will drink and bring your own if possible. Drive yourself to parties so you are not dependent on others to leave.
Practice self care- This can be such a busy time for many so self care can often be pushed aside in favor of celebrating with others. Make a plan for maintaining some self care practices, adjust what you normally do if needed to make space for activities AND yourself. Continue whatever self care practices you already engage in and if needed, add some extras.
Utilize support system- Everybody’s support system looks different so this is not a one size fits all situation. If support recovery meetings are your thing, make sure to continue to attend them and be aware of any extra ones that might be happening. If you know you are going into a potentially high emotion situation (because that can happen easily when families gather), make a plan with one of your support people for checking in before, during and after the event. Plan ahead for leaving when you need to as well.
Know your limits- everybody has that family member that can be particularly difficult to interact with for whatever reason. If you know a particular person can be a trigger, identify who else is attending that can be a support or a buffer for you. If spending too much time with a particular family group is a problem, go into the gathering with an idea of what time you want to leave and stick to it! This is another area your support person may be able to help with.
Keep a drink in your hand- people are less likely to offer you a drink if you already have a drink in your hand. The reality is that most people do not pay attention to WHAT you are drinking but that you HAVE a drink. When making your plan ahead of time, identify what your non-alcoholic drink will be and keep that one in your hand as much as possible. You are also less likely to take a drink from somebody offering it if you already have one you are holding.
New traditions- in some cases, avoiding some family altogether is necessary. This can be hard since family time is so wrapped up in traditions for the holidays. Don’t be afraid to think on new ways you can celebrate the holidays. Just because things have always been done a certain way does not mean they have to continue that way. Consider a FriendsMas, a gathering of fellow support recovery group members, volunteering or being more intentional about individual time with close family members you want to see and enjoy seeing. Remember that no is a complete sentence.
Manage your emotions- the holiday season is ripe with emotions for many people, whether they be celebratory related or uncomfortable emotions. Unfortunately, emotions are also some of the biggest triggers for use and relapse. Engage in those coping skills that help you with emotional regulation and don’t be afraid to step out for a little bit if you need space to pull yourself together. You can also leave at any time if you have planned ahead for your ride situation, don’t be afraid to do that!
Remember to have fun! There can be a lot of joy in this time of year even when there is a lot of uncomfortable situations and emotions happening. Identify things that you find fun and do those! Always wanted to go ice skating? Make that one of your new holiday traditions! Go look at Christmas lights in neighborhoods, make popcorn strings for the tree, use plain wrapping paper and decorate it yourself, buy a gag gift for somebody you love!