New Year New Me? How to make lasting changes and actually break this cycle
By Lena Canu MA, LLC, NCC
This phrase does hold a positive connotation at first glance-“New Year, New Me” is a popular phrase that signifies a desire for self-improvement or transformation at the start of a new year. It’s a way of expressing the intention to leave behind past habits, behaviors, or circumstances and to embark on a fresh chapter of personal growth or change. For many, the New Year symbolizes a clean slate, offering a psychological opportunity to reset goals, adopt healthier habits, and pursue a better version of themselves.
While this phrase sounds positive, it can also imply that the past, old you was not good enough. We start to pick ourselves apart, zone into all our mishaps and “should have, could have” moments. When we send ourselves into a place open for self-criticism, which in turn can prevent us from actually achieving your goals.
So what can I do about it? Here are some helpful tips to actually begin to make lasting changes and for getting a new years resolution to stick.
Begin with self-gratitude and appreciation.
Write 3-5 things that have made you feel accomplished, proud, or joyful in the last year. We each hold negativity-bias, meaning we seek out negative more regularly than positive events and attributes. Start by being kind to yourself and seeking small moments of progress and growth which this year offered you.
Be honest with yourself.
Make a real list of things that have happened which have left you feeling confused or upset. These can be things you wish went differently, moments of sorrow and grief, or self-reflective moments.
Drop the “Why” and ask questions.
“Why didn’t I try harder?”
“Why did I let this happen?”
“Why can’t I handle this better?”
These examples are just a few which can come up upon reflecting on our past years “faults”.
Instead, replace the “why” with a “what/how”, leading to a more productive self-reflection and future problem solving. This may look more like:
“What boundary may I have needed to set in this relationship?”
“How could I do things differently next time if I end up in a similar spot?”.
Find your values system and live your “new you”.
The way we are affected by experiences (think of the ones you thought about in the last year) is based on our value system. It is our guiding force which shows what we deeply care about, and the ways which we operate in everyday life. Knowing your personal values and actually abiding by them can help you to not only start but fulfill your goals and become the best version of yourself!
This step is extra but incorporates a new tradition in the new year that helps to enable positivity.
Instead of creating rigid new year’s goals (that can lead to harsh expectations), be creative! Create a mood board with pictures from Pinterest that mirror your aspirations for the year. Junk journaling is another option that can aid in “tracking” your positive moments throughout the year. Fill it with concert/movie tickets, wristbands, boarding passes for trips, restaurant receipts, and other memorabilia.